ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
