Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
