Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
