I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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