Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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