I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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