i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
