I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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