he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
