There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
