With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
