I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
