just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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