He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
