I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
