I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
