I can text with my tongue
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
