Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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