you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
