dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
