Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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