"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
