Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
