my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
