Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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