I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
