I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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