I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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