i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
