I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The uberlube is also flammable
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
