I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
