$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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