I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Even my vagina gasped.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
