yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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