does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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