I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
my poor anus
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
