Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize