I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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