why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
so much tequila, so little girl.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
