I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you didnt know i had herpes?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
