Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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