U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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