I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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