God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
