My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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