she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
