last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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