maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
