its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
