when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
