Just fell off a train. Bad.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
