I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
