She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
