Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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