he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
