I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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