He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
