How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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