You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
