I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
