Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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