the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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