just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
