I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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