My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
