this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
