just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There's always time for handjobs
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
