dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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