Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
