Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
