Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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